There is a joke going around the internet. Perhaps you have heard it. It goes a little something like this:

Everyone is so worried about social distancing, but I’ve been doing it my whole life!

This sentiment has been repeated in various iterations. I believe my first encounter with it was XKCD #2276 which I found novel at the time. I found it humorous. Many people have found it humorous enough that it has been repeated.

And repeated.

And repeated.

Though, I think it is not a case of mere repetition. I am certain many people crafted these words, or their equivalent, independently. I dare not hazard a guess as to how many copies are originals versus copies. I, as a lower bound, would propose ten.

In any case, this convergent evolution intrigues me. If so many minds (nearly eleven!) have been drawn to this common conceit, there must be some conceptual content that craves creation. Is it a chemical process programmed into our very DNA? Could it be a specter haunting our society, channeling its curse into our shared psyche? Or perhaps it is not a curse, but the boon of a mischievous meme god. Whatever the case may be, it warrants further investigation, deconstruction, and reiteration.

Here it is again, wearing different pants:

I can’t wait for quarantine to end so that I can get back to staying inside playing games without people trying to join me!

To dissect this text we need a particular instrument. No, it is not a scalpel, nor a bone saw. It is a tool more precise and more gruesome than either surgical implement. It is, of course, the Funny Formula.

The Funny Formula

1. Establish a common understanding of an idea or situation.
2. Demonstrate a logical step from that situation towards an expected conclusion.
3. Conclude with a statement that is unexpected. Ideally this statement demonstrates that there was a fundamental misunderstanding present in Step 1 that was not initially obvious.

This is a very technical tool, but I hope to make its utility clear in the following explanation. For further reading on the subject I recommend this article on the word “paraprosdokian” and also asking Jeeves to google the keywords “how,” “to,” “be,” and “funny.” With these tools in our tool belt, let us unbuckle and get to work.

Firstly, we must consider what common idea or situation is proposed by our humorous text. An astute reader will have already spotted an important grammatical transition that occurs on words eight through nine.

Do you see them?

Here they are, presented in bold:

I can’t wait for quarantine to end so that I can get back to staying inside playing games without people trying to join me!

Those two words, “so that,” are a tell-tale sign of a logical foot being put forward on the path towards reasonable conclusion. Therefore, the words – and therefore the ideas – to the left of this phrase establish the grounds from which we are stepping. Namely, there is an “I” who “can’t wait” for an event (quarantine, social distancing, work from home, The Virus) to “end.”

I have made an argument on grammatical grounds that this meets our criteria for Step 1 of The Formula. I have done this to provide an objective measure, but there are subjective clues as well. Reading these words it is natural for one to feel a shared urge for an event to arrive at its conclusion.

If you as a subjective reader do not feel this urge, I suggest you fill out this form to share your experience.

(Exceptionally astute readers may have detected the other influence these words have: by establishing a desire for an end, they compel the reader [with some impatience] to continue reading the humorous passage to its conclusion!)

With Step 1 satisfied, let us move on to Step 2: the other side of “so that,” presented here in italics:

I can’t wait for quarantine to end so that I can get back to staying inside playing games without people trying to join me!

The implication here is impeccable. We have established that there is a time of quarantine. This means that there is a disruption of routine, a fly in ointment, a bug in the system. The reasonable expectation is that once the disruption has ended the writer (and the reader, empathically) will once again be able to leave their home. Freedom from seclusion is a massage with fly-free ointment, if you will. When those italic words seep into your skin you can just about smell the lavender.

Also there’s the word “to” which is a preposition.

And so we move to the final act. Step 3: in which an expectation is subverted. Let us revisit the text with the relevant section underlined:

I can’t wait for quarantine to end so that I can get back to staying inside playing games without people trying to join me!

The first two words hit our expectations square in the jaw: “staying inside.” Staying inside? But, that does not align with the desire established in Step 1! Nor does it appear at first glance to follow logically from the progression in Step 2!

I have included exclamations in the preceding paragraph to enhance the feeling of shock that our less empathic readers might struggle to identify without this assistance. For most this will be unnecessary because of how obvious it is that “staying inside” is an unexpected activity to engage in one quarantine has been lifted.

We have therefore satisfied the first criterion of Funny Formula Step 3: conclude with a statement that is unexpected. However, a humorous text does not reach profound popularity without also satisfy the formula’s ideal: demonstrate a fundamental misunderstanding.

A supreme genius reader will have already identified the location of the missing component. To hint at it further, let us highlight the words we have already used in Step 3:

I can’t wait for quarantine to end so that I can get back to staying inside playing games without people trying to join me!

Do you see it now? Yes, indeed there are words we have not used. We might expect these words to act as the password to the lock that guards our ideal conclusion.

Indeed, a purple presentation proves it:

I can’t wait for quarantine to end so that I can get back to staying inside playing games without people trying to join me!

As our eyes roll past the shock of “staying inside” we come to understand the author’s personality. Twisted though it may initially appear, the author is not waiting for quarantine to end so that they may leave their home and reengage with other people. No! In fact, the attempts others have made to engage them have only disrupted the author’s preferred state: solitude.

Here we identify the fundamental misunderstanding which forms the launch pad for this humor rocket: the author is an introvert, a nerd, a card-carrying gamer, even. They are unusual, disconnected, isolated. These are all traits we initially understood to be manifestations of the viral curse, but the upsetting fact is that they prefer themselves this way.

And yet, upset as this makes us as readers, it gives way not to an unpleasant emotion but instead a feeling of relief. Perhaps, even, elation as we come to understand a fundamental truth about ourselves: we are not the unnatural ones. It is the author who is unnatural, and the very fact we find their words upsetting proves that we are not like them.

We share an emotional response. We follow the Funny Formula and it guides us. We have been tested, and we have passed. We are human. We are one.

Unless, I suppose, you didn’t find it funny.