“Jessica, we’ve had a lot of fun together, but I need to be honest: this isn’t what I want anymore.”

I looked down at the cup of coffee she had just poured for me. Would it be impolite to take a sip while I’m telling her this? Is it worse if I don’t drink what she gave me? Her coffee always suited my taste perfectly: creamy, not too sweet. I took a quick gulp, clearing my throat before continuing.

“You’ve been perfect — exactly what I was looking for when we met — but I feel, like, different now. I hope you understand.”

Jessica turned around, setting the hot coffee-pot on the counter. She was calm. Her steel-blue eyes were wide, shining wetly. She reached her hand towards mine.

“Very well,” Jessica stated. “Transaction complete. Please accept the charges for services rendered.”

With a sigh I placed my thumb against the scanner in her palm. I felt the warmth of her latex fingers as they brushed against mine and I tried not to think of the night before. Then my phone buzzed in my pocket, telling me it was over. I let go.

“Goodbye, Jess.”

“Your balance has been updated. Goodbye, Randall.”

I told Benny to meet me on the wall between districts. Standing on a bridge between shopping malls, I watched the sun set behind the far edge of the city. Thoughts washed through my brain, sorting themselves into different groups: I need to talk about this, no one wants to hear about that, no one can ever know about those… And always the thought that comes back: either the sun sets too quickly or I don’t pay enough attention to the world around me. One of those is true, probably both. In any case, Benny didn’t arrive until dark. I popped the first thought off the stack in my mind and we talked about that for a few minutes before walking over to the Old School Diner.

The diner was pretty busy with a mix of the Saturday Night post-shopping and pre-drinking crowds. Benny went over to the Jukebox — one of those classic types that can’t be activated from your phone — so I picked some stools at the counter and ordered us a couple of Flavor Burgers. The meal arrived by the time Benny sat down, but I was talking so much I barely ate. First it was Jessica, then it was me — hell, it was all about me. I knew I was rambling. Benny didn’t interrupt, though. He just kindly listened, eating slowly until I broke off and stared at him desperately.

Benny wiped his mouth, locking eyes with me.

“You can’t feel ashamed for wanting things to be different in your life. Well, you can, but it’s just throwing you into a shame cycle that hurts you without changing anything. Today you made a decision after deciding what you really wanted. In the future you might want something else and then you’ll probably make a different decision. But that’s a problem for future you. Today, your only job is figuring out how to enjoy the opportunities available to you now. So, get to work on that.”

He concluded his statement with an assertive nod. I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded back, gratefully. Then Benny walked off to change the jukebox again and I was left to sit and think.

 

For the first time that night I took a look at the people around me in the diner; the night crowd had taken over. Three girls had filled the seats next to us at the counter, but only then did I notice their eye-catching outfits: high heels, short skirts, shiny shirts — I was almost elbow-to-elbow with the girl on my right. She was young, blonde, and gorgeous, but what really made me stare was the passion with which she ate her sandwich. It was a tuna melt, and she was going after it like a hungry shark. She took massive bites with her wide mouth, chewing forcefully and occasionally stifling a delicate giggle in response to her friends’ conversation. Her focused eating made me remember my own appetite and the barely-touched burger on my plate. I turned back to my food, feeling self conscious about having stared at her for so long, but also remembering what Benny had said.

I had made a lot more progress on my meal when the girl’s two friends left the counter to go to the bathroom. I quickly swallowed a piece of burger, trying to clear my throat, but realizing I had nothing to say. Caught in a silent panic, I felt a light touch on my shoulder. I turned and found a pair of luscious red lips asking me to pass the coffee creamer. My cheeks flushed and I couldn’t help smiling as I handed her the bottle. Watching her pour, I realized I only had one thing to say:

“I like my coffee creamy, too.”

“Ha, well, that’s how it should be,” she let out one of those soft giggles. “As long as it’s not too sweet.”

“Exactly! I mean, I couldn’t agree more…”

I trailed off, gazing into her eyes until Benny finally returned, bumping me a little as he sat down. I had to adjust, and the girl turned away to take a drink. Trying to ignore Benny, I leaned back towards her.

“I’m Randall, by the way.”

She didn’t seem bothered by my interruption as she finished a big gulp of creamy, not-too-sweet coffee.

“Stephanie,” she replied, then looked at me with a slight pout on her mouth. She held up her mug and shook her head.

“Oh, right, damn. I forgot, the coffee here isn’t very good.” I leaned in a little closer, “There’s actually a place not too far away that I really like. I could buy you a cup, if you’re interested?”

Stephanie gave me another giggle, louder this time. Setting down the mug, she turned to me matter-of-factly. “Alright, first:” she counted out “one” on fingers, “You can buy us some coffee if that’s what you want. But, second:” another finger, “We’ll be on the clock the whole time. The walking-around rate is very reasonable, I promise.

“Which leads us to number three:” she held the fingers in front of her face and I could see the red of her nail polish matched her lips, “You’ll need to register your payment info with my robot friend when she gets back from helping Charline in the bathroom. Everything above-board, but confidential. Sound good?”

My face was already flushed, but now the heat spread past my ears and around my neck. I thought I could feel Benny staring at the back of my head, pinning me between his eyes and hers. But, more importantly, I could feel his words sinking in. As I looked into the honest, human eyes in front of me, my feelings about Jessica found a new place in my memory. I gave a simple nod “yes” to Stephanie and my embarrassment faded as quickly as it came. She nodded back, then got up to check on her friends.

 

After a deep breath, I faced Benny again. Certain I didn’t have to explain anything to him, I simply extended my hand in gratitude.

“Well, Old Ben, I can’t say you’re ever wrong. Thanks, pal. I’ll pay the check before I head out. And I’ll probably activate you again soon, maybe tomorrow evening.”

“Very well,” he replied, finishing my thumb scan. “Transaction complete. Session reminder scheduled for: Sunday. At: five o’clock.”

“Later, Benny.”

“Go get ‘em, Randall.”