Universal Timestamp 30-Z-08:44:01

“Captain! They have control of the Primary Thrule Engine! They’re bringing us into their ship’s gravity field!”

It was my fourteenth year in space, my third as Fleetship Captain, yet only six months into extra-galatictic sky and two days before Christmas. I thought I was prepared for this post, but this opposition had me crying for mommy. These foreign ships had been seen before, just weeks ago on the damn-near other side of our galaxy. This appeared to be the same ship, having traveled an incredible distance in such a short time. Or perhaps it was another ship of the same kind, and they have our galaxy surrounded. In any case our prospects were grim.

“Give me reverse thrust, all you’ve got!” I commanded,  “Engineer, tell me we have some way of breaking free.”

“I can’t see how, Captain. They have already cut through all our Drum Resistors.”

She was right: the navigators were throwing up their hands as the other ship forcibly brought us in for docking. I had to be somewhat glad they hadn’t destroyed us on sight, but then an impossible portal grew on the side of the ship we were approaching. Looking into its piercing, liquid light, I had only dread for the other side.

“Good people, my crew – please hold faith. Every day we face the unknown. Today the unknown faces us. We must stay strong, maintaining both curiosity and caution, while we find a way to communicate with the force that approaches us. Let us do this, together!”

As a wave of resilience spread across the faces of my crew, I faced into the portal with them and gritted my teeth.

---

The iridescent glow of the portal filled up the view screen then inserted itself into the room, passing over me like comb made of liquid lasers. Dazed, I realized my crew had disappeared. I shouted into my comms, “Engineering! Medical! Come in immediately!” but there was no reply.

Just then, a large band of text scrolled across my terminal:

YOUR TASK HAS BEEN ASSIGNED.
PLEASE ENTER THE TASK ROOM,
COMPLETE THE ENCOUNTER,
COMMUNICATE YOUR FEEDBACK.
THANK YOU.

I looked around the bridge for a “task room” and glimpsed the portal’s glow around the door to the Main Exit Bay. I approached it cautiously, and very slowly waved my hand to trigger the door’s opening. It slid open awkwardly and some gravitational force made me stumble into the aperture.

Reeling at first, I caught my balance just in time to avoid knocking a tray out of my mother’s hands.

Suddenly finding myself four feet tall, I attempted to comprehend my surroundings. This was made both more and less difficult when I realized I was standing in the kitchen of my childhood home. With all the grace of my child self, I braced myself on a wall that used be a door to my spaceship and understood two things:

I am eight years old. It is Christmas Eve.

How I knew this was unclear, until I looked up from my mother’s apron and saw the panic in her eyes. “You could have made me drop those! Stop sliding around on the floor and set the table, please.”

Stern, yes, but she was right. My crew was probably safe like me. My family, on the other hand, needed me right now. We were in danger.

Dinner was delayed and father is hungry.

Well, technically we didn’t have a particular dinner time, so it couldn’t be delayed. Still, dinner is to be ready when father is hungry. I have to act quick – I grab four biscuits off of the tray my mother was holding, near burning my hand as I rush to get a plate out of the cupboard. I scoop a generous helping of butter from the chipped dish by the toaster and dropped it on the biscuits.

I sped to the dining table, “Here you go, dad.”

“Biscuits? Hey, dopey, you made biscuits?” he called to the other room, “I didn’t know you could spell bah-iss-kit, ha no I’m just teasing you. Hey is that turkey coming?”

I waited for a reply, knowing I had done my part, just hoping she could come through and do hers. Come on, mom, you can get this one, for the crew. Keep this ship in the air.

“The timer is just going off now, and boy does it look juicy.”

She did it. The biscuits will cover us until the turkey is carved, and that gets us the rest of night.

“Good work, team,” I said into my comms. Wait, what was that?

“What was that?” my father asked. “You talking to someone there, dorky?”

“Oh, I…” What was I doing? “I was just playing, like, what if I had a little space communicator and stuff.”

“Of course you were. We get your sister a phone, and now you want to be talking to everyone else all of the time too. You can’t even stand to be here talking to real fucking people for half a minute. You would rather be sending your sound waves out all over the place, anywhere else.”

Oh no, we were so close to a good night.

“Huh, but it would be radio waves, right?” I asked, trying to change the subject. “Like, her talking would be sound waves but then the phones change that and use radio waves to talk?”

“You think you’re smart? Well it doesn’t matter what’s talking, you just don’t get my point when I’m talking. What’s the point in talking to you? Are you stupid?”

We were so close. I thought we had done it but, this is it, and I don’t think I can take it again. Again.

“Are you fucking stupid?”

I cannot

YOUR TASK HAS BEEN ASSIGNED

take this shit

COMPLETE THE ENCOUNTER

for the rest

COMMUNICATE YOUR FEEDBACK.

of my life.

COMPLETE THE ENCOUNTER
COMMUNICATE YOUR FEEDBACK

“Are you fucking stupid?”

“… Yes. Yeah. I guess so. You’re right.”

---

YOUR TASK HAS BEEN COMPLETED.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION.
PLEASE PROVIDE AN OVERALL RATING OF YOUR EXPERIENCE,
ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN,
WHERE A ONE MEANS “NOT VERY SATISFIED,”
AND A TEN MEANS “EXTREMELY SATISFIED.”

“Uhm, that has to be less than a five, right?” I look around the bridge of the ship, still empty, but now only lit by the glow of the door behind me. “I know so many must have it worse, but this has to be in the lower half? Let’s call it a four out of ten.”

THANK YOU.
PLEASE RECORD ANY ADDITIONAL COMMENTS NOW.

“I don’t think I have anything. Or maybe too much, whatever. Intentionally left blank.”

THANK YOU.
YOUR FEED BACK HAS BE-

“Actually, wait. I got something.”

PLEASE RECORD ANY ADDITIONAL COMMENTS NOW.

“I fucking hate Christmas.”